I appreciate them all, mostly because it means that someone other than my sister actually reads t... TOTALLY GAY...

I’ve been reading your column for a while now, and usually you’re quite funny, but I thought last week’s article was lame. Your take on how hard it is being gay and single was kind of clever—I’ll give you that much. But I know what your problem is: you’re lazy. The city is swarming with young gay guys and you wouldn’t currently be single if you actually got off your ass and got out there instead of writing about it.

He/She/He-She (again, it was anonymous) is right. I am just being terribly, terribly lazy. After all, I’m clearly not afraid to make an ass out of myself, I’m not a horribly unappealing person, and I have had some success in the past in connecting with fellow homos. So I’m going to share some of the solutions other readers have offered up for meeting gays in the city: specifically, locations where the chances of running into someone of the same sexual persuasion are increased. I also consulted with a panel of experts, who have more experience in the dating/making new friends department than I do, and hopefully this will shed some light on where all the good—or good enough—gay dudes and gals are hiding in the city.

I’m not going to focus on what the best pick-up lines and conversation starters are. Just lie. Lines like “Aren’t you friends with [insert fake name here]?” or “Haven’t I seen you before at [insert random place here]?” always work.

The problem inherent with attempting to approach a gay person in any situation, though, is that most often, you can never tell for sure if they’re crooked or just well dressed. For some reason, most guys and girls don’t like the insinuation that they play for your team when, in fact, they don’t. Just be a bit cautious.

And the following suggestions should only be taken under consideration if you’re looking for an old-school, Archie-comic-style date or making pals with someone with whom you can catch a flick and share a pizza with; if, like Liz Phair, you only want all that stupid old shit, like letters and sodas—basically, at least food and a bit of awkward conversation before you take off your pants. I think I’ve covered most of it, so here we go.

One reader—a straight, female waitress—says she gets approached by her diners all of the time. Sometimes guys will give her their number, but usually she just ends up getting good tips. There are a lot of gays in the hospitality industry, though. So if you have the nerve, chat up your next server. At the very least, they’ll be polite and accept your advances as part of the job. At best, they might give you a free dessert.

Another email said that the gay Second Cup on Jasper Avenue is always a good spot for picking people up. Well, there are actually three Second Cups on Jasper Avenue, and as far as I know, they’re all equally gay. If you decide that’s for you, make sure you bring some sort of reading material that will implicitly tip your sexuality off to strangers. A copy of The Advocate or Details perhaps?

My friend Erin came up with gay speed-dating. If you’re not familiar with the fad, which I think really only happens on TV, straight women sit down at a table and a rotating cast of dudes sit down with each woman for a couple of minutes for some brief conversation, and afterwards, if two of them click, they get together for a real date. Sounds good in theory, but once we tried to figure out how exactly how that would work for one group of the same gender, it made our heads hurt.

A recent trip to the hospital with my sister made it obvious that the emergency room is the new gay bar. People are never more vulnerable then when they’re in a hospital, so be a shoulder to cry on, and it might lead somewhere later on. Seriously, though, that particular night I saw two gay couples comforting (and fondling) each other in their time of distress, in addition to a bunch of cute male nurses running around attending to things. And you know what they say about cute male nurses ... they help sick people.

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